What do you do when the friends you thought were steadfast, aren’t there for you? One thing we’ve taken from our experience is that M. and I are VERY lucky to have the support system we have. The majority of our family are states away yet we rarely feel alone. But its hard when I’m in this angry head space of how unfair life is, not to focus on those who haven’t shown us the support we needed. The out of the box kindness of others just puts those who are MIA even more noticeable.

Is this something you end a friendship over or is it possible to move past them not being there when you are your lowest? Perhaps its just a different type of friendship? I don’t know. If anyone has tips, I’ll take them. In the meantime, this is what I do appreciate.

  • The check-in texts, “Just seeing how you are doing”.
  • The random video of a bulldog sent over.
  • The many cards. One day, I’ll read them all again.
  • The organization of a mealtrain with the steady visits of friends.
  • Friends keeping their visits short.
  • The offers to walk our dogs…even in the pouring rain.
  • Letting me pretend I’m ok. Giving me a hug when it’s clear I’m not.
  • Leaving a nice message when I’m not ready to answer the phone.
  • Encouraging and joining me in the gym.
  • Following up on anniversary dates.
  • Accepting last minute cancellations or the inability to make plans.

All I do know is that its important to be felt. Find a way to make sure your friend knows you are there.



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