My very good friend was induced this morning. We went through our pregnancy 4 weeks apart, sharing the weird symptoms and checking in on each other throughout. She’s continued to be a support though I’m sure seeing the worst case scenario play out couldn’t have been easy for her.
I woke up this morning with her on my mind and sent a text to check in on her. I tried to be the same person I was before, but I couldn’t. I had to ask to be taken off the group text with the updates and excited chatter.
I don’t want to detract from her excitement, but I can’t do it. I’m anxious for her and sad for us. I know how quickly things can turn, and my worry is overwhelming. I’m also sad and jealous that we didn’t have a normal delivery and weren’t able to be excited and happy.
I’ve been crying all morning. Sometimes without even knowing it. I know it doesn’t make a difference if she has a boy or girl, because with every milestone they cross, we won’t, but I can’t help hoping they have a boy. Just to make the similarities and what we’re missing out on less obvious. I know I’m going to have to get my shit together. I can’t avoid them and I don’t want to be a person who can’t be apart of joyous occasions. Just today isn’t the day I guess.