Day by Day

Corner of my eye

Today I had a meeting in at the hospital. This meeting occurs every two weeks, mostly in the same spot. The cafeteria above where we were told that an emergency c-section was imminent and  below the rooms where I had Nora and lost Nora. I actually thought as I walked over, what a glutton for punishment I am, yet had a sense of pride on how far I’ve come.

I was able to review my work, talk about future projects and act like a normal human being without having flashes of memories of my initial time here. This is the cafeteria where I got the insanely hot coffee and muffins right before the doctor sat me and Matt down to tell us our hope was over.

Today out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small blonde woman. I couldn’t place her right away. It took a few seconds and then I realized she was the person who helped us take Nora’s hand-prints and molds of her feet. What a job to have. I immediately lost my train of thought and just tried not to remember. I managed to finish my meeting without tears or being a complete mess.

I’m still sitting in the cafeteria. Ready to finish a few emails so I can head home and all I can think of now is her kindness. What a job to have. To support people at the worst moments of their lives. I didn’t appreciate it while it was happening. Same with the photographer. I just wanted them to leave, for us to be with our baby and for none of it to be real. Now it’s all I have and they with their impossibly difficult job is why. Because of her I can hold and trace Nora’s perfect toes.

If I see her again, I hope I can pull it together to thank her in person.


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