Dot · pregnancy

28 Weeks

On Sunday, we arrived at 28 weeks. The third trimester, 2/3’s done. We found out about Nora’s mass at 32 weeks, so hitting this milestone doesn’t give us the same reassurance that it does to the rest of the people in our lives, but I’m still happy to hit it. I wish I could fast forward to my c-section date.

Dot kicks a lot. She’s much more active than I remember Nora being. I’m not sure if my memory is accurate, but until now, I didn’t realize Nora wasn’t that active.  I just assumed it was the low placenta in the way, or being too fat, or that movement slows in the 3rd trimester.  Now I can’t stop questioning myself for not being aware and bringing it up earlier.

Today we went for one of our 4-week growth ultrasounds. We had a trainee at first and then the official technician, so we were able to see a lot of different shots. Dot was moving the entire time, making it slightly more difficult. As we waited for the report from the MFM, the minutes started to tick. We told ourselves it was because they had to compare the trainees photos to the technicians so it would take twice as long.

When the MFM specialist came in, I was pleased to see if was a doctor we’ve seen before and had good experiences with. He’s gentle with us, and respectful of our loss and subsequent feelings/anxieties that come with it. He told us that everything looked good but. BUT. Dot has a dangling ventricle. This is something that most hospitals wouldn’t flag without other markers, but we’re on high alert. Most of the time it resolves itself.

This could be a soft marker for cytomegalovirus (CMV). He told us its VERY unlikely and not to worry, but how can we not worry? I was googling before we left the parking garage. The likelihood of me not already having CMV are slim. The chances of me not having it and being infected during pregnancy are slimmer. I’m not hanging out with babies or toddlers (if that thought isn’t a loaded weapon by itself), and I haven’t felt ill.

But if I did?! If I possibly could have contracted it now, leads me down a path of stillbirth, hearing loss, learning disabilities, and loss of coordination. So this will be my spiral until I can get the blood work results. But I’m going to hold on to the fact there are no other markers on Dot. She’s the right size (in fact over the average), her fluids are good, and her organs look good.

She has Nora’s nose. It’s clear in her 3-D pictures. In almost every picture we have of her face, she has a fist up. I sleep that way too. I like to think that it’s not that Nora wasn’t active, but Dot is more active, because she knows I need the reassurance that she’s there and ok. With each kick, she’s telling me she’s ok.

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