Dot · pregnancy

Good news but the anxiety remains

This weekend was tough. My blood work results were constantly on my mind. It didn’t help that on Saturday morning I got an alert that my results were in my online portal but when I logged in, it said there was no sample to test, which then made me think that they lost my sample and I would have to redo it, taking even more time.

So I called and spoke to a receptionist this morning. I received a call back from a nurse this afternoon. They did have the test sample. They forgot to check my white blood count which was unrelated to CMV. Our results were good. I previously had not had CMV, and most importantly didn’t contract it during pregnancy. So now we just wait until our next ultrasound to see if it’s grown larger or started to self-correct. It could still be an indicator of a bigger issue, but there isn’t anything to do but wait. So good news, but not complete anxiety-removing news.

Another event lingering in the back of my mind, is the death of an 8-month old baby in Baltimore. She was killed at her daycare. A daycare that was on our list to check out, that has gotten great reviews by neighbors, that has a waiting list to get into. So how does that happen? How does a credible institution hire a woman who could be so cruel to a baby? And how long was it going on prior? On Tuesday we went for our blood work and I was reading Matt the breaking news article when the woman sitting next to me with her daughter, turned around and said ‘she goes there’ indicating her daughter. Her daughter was in the same class.

Later it clicked that she probably was taking her daughter to the pediatrician to make sure she didn’t suffer abuse either. I keep thinking about her family. How her mom and dad would have gotten the call at work that would change their lives forever. We know what it feels like to have your world crash down, but to know someone maliciously caused it to happen is a different beast.

So this has been a week with a lot of general unease. But there has been good things as well. Matt and I had a dinner and a movie date night. We went for crabs with friends and were more productive on Sunday than I probably have been in ages. I actually can’t remember.

I bought Dot a onesie. It’s the first item I purchased just for her. My mom will hate it, but it made me laugh. I need to make my list of what we need to buy again and what we need to do to prepare. I’m teetering between just making sure we have a car seat and bassinet for our room set up to 100% having her room ready to go. I’m not sure where we’ll end up. Probably somewhere in the middle. 10 weeks to go.


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