Last night I had a dream. In it, Evie was sleeping in a crib downstairs and she managed to climb up the steps on her own to go to her bedroom. In her room, there was a bunk bed with a little girl with brown hair on the top bunk. She was scared to get…… Continue reading A dream.
I have felt so low the past two days. Not all the time, but lingering below the surface happiness is gloom and anxiety. I wonder if I would still feel this way if I lived somewhere sunny? Is it knowing that Nora’s anniversary is coming or is it the weather that triggers the memories? I…… Continue reading F*** April
I read about fetomaternal microchimerism, where fetal cells migrate into the mother during pregnancy. Per NIH, fetomaternal transfer probably occurs in all pregnancies and in humans the fetal cells can persist for decades. Microchimeric fetal cells are found in various maternal tissues and organs including blood, bone marrow, skin and liver. Have I talked about that…… Continue reading Fetomaternal Microchimerism
I had terrible dreams last night. They were not even subliminal but shouting in your face resentment towards people who drive me crazy. They supported us in ways they wanted to be supported but not how we needed/wanted? I know they cared and were heartbroken, but not enough. Bah. I went to bed sad and…… Continue reading Womp
Now instead of counting out the months since we lost Nora we also count the months we have Evie. Its been over 17 months since we lost Nora and two months since we brought Evie home. I have a lot of feelings that could be fleshed out but in the short term, I’ll just list…… Continue reading A different timeline
So I’ve mentioned before that we cancel plans now. If it doesn’t feel like I’m in a good head space or feeling up to it, I cancel. I try to do it with enough warning but sometimes it’s day of. No one is safe from it. I have a friend who I used to work…… Continue reading Called out
Yesterday was Father’s Day. Last year mother’s and father’s day came so close after losing Nora we didn’t really have time to think about what it meant to us. Just that we needed to hunker down and avoid the world. This year I made plans not realizing the date. We had a friend’s baby’s christening…… Continue reading Petty